Dance Dance Revolution

The first time I saw DDR in the arcade, I thought to myself: “Oh, now there’s a game I’ll never play.” I’m not much of a dancer, even in slower tempos (just ask Ponzi). Sure, I know where to find rhythm – it’s under the word “rhythm” in Google! Seriously, I couldn’t even get the jump timings on Donkey Kong right – what makes you think I could do some Dance-Dance Revolution thing with my real feet? Well, Ponzi wanted a DDR mat – so we got ourselves a DDR mat (with accompanying DDR Ultramix game for the classic Xbox). Even if I laid it out in front of the television for the next year, we’d still not use it as much as we’re not using it today. Anybody want a hardly-used Dance-Dance Revolution embarassment blanket? Seriously, I don’t want to hold onto my failed attempt at coordination any longer. I can’t dance. I can’t sing. I don’t want DDR in my home any longer. Please, take this thing away?